I'd pay to publish this: (if I were rich)

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

I won't be your governess. I don't know yet if I want children of my own (don't know it, don't think of it unless some simpleton brings out the topic) why should I play the part of your substitute mother? Unless, of course, you'd pay me to do so, but you won't. Hence, I won't have you calling me "mami".

Don't even come near me if you want to be guided, dressed, protected, spoiled and/or scolded. I won't choose your clothing, I won't smile tenderly when you mess up, I won't be there to lie and say you're perfect, we both know you're not [and I'm not.]

By the way, I don't want you to be my father, don't you dare calling me "mija". I don't need a father, I have one and if he dies (I'd say god forbid but I don't believe in him so I won't say it), then he'll be dead, I won't need you to replace it. If I wanted to be protected I'd hire a bodyguard. Don't act like I'm a piece of china, I won't break, I won't crack, I won't scale, I can take life's crap, I have been taking it for 25 years, mind you.
I'm not naive, I'm not candid. I'm not stupid and I probably won't ever learn to be good with people. I don't need your absent minded love, I don't need your trial-and-error-manly technique; whereas you only repeat errors. I don't need to love you with all my heart, I don't need to lose my mind because of you. I won't bother you, and surely, I won't have you bothering me.
Still interested? Sure? Call/write/invoke me then.